Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
