you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
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He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
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She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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