My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
