You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
