WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
