Dual....:-)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
did i just pee glitter
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
