bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
