He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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