Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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