Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
