dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
