so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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