Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
