I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
