if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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