Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
