i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
