Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
