Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
