I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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