whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
