Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
