she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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