The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
