Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
