Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
