I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Randomize
