You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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