Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
