Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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