We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
