You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
