When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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