I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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