u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.