i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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