Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.