Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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