There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.