just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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