I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
