I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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