someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
COCAINE IS GR8
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
