i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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