So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
