yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
