Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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