So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
