you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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