he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
