dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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