i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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