Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
