also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
