im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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