i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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