I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
