My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
