Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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