1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize