My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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