tell your sister to shave her snatch
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
