So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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