I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
