There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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