I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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