i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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