The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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