Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
