So drunk its hurt
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
