What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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