I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
