STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
