I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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