Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
