Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
