i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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