masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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