who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
