I wish my penis had an off switch
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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