I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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