It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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