During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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