Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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