He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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