whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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